Have you ever noticed that if you set out to look for something that unless it is genuinely lost in the mists of time, that you find it soon enough?
My children often let out a wail akin to your average banshee that something is lost, gone, no more. But I’ve looked everywhere Daddy…. Uh huh. OK so let’s think. Where did you last see it? Right here in this room and you haven’t taken it to the loo with you or out to the kitchen on your endless trek to the refrigerator for yet more food? No? OK so let’s look in this room first. Oh, would you look at that, there it is, tucked under a cushion inches from where you were sitting. Amazing!
In life, we often get what we look for, whether we’re aware of it or not. Have you ever noticed that the yummy mummies at school, who all look worryingly similar in my humble opinion, stick together as if their lives depend on it whilst quietly (if not subtly) shunning others? Do you think those people actively set out to befriend clones of themselves? Or is it that they see the familiarity as comfort and cling to those things seemingly in common?
Or the way the fit bodies at the gym greet each other like best friends whilst studiously ignoring those with the fuller figure? Is it really the case that when those people aren’t admiring how great they look in the mirror, that they literally don’t see the others?
Then there’s the person who is always at the centre of a crisis or drama. Everything’s just a little too fraught and it seems to be one thing after another that befalls this type of person. And is it a coincidence that this type of person is surrounded by people that enjoy being involved in a drama or crisis? Some people genuinely feed off of this type of person and enjoy living out the equivalent of a real life soap opera.
So I’ve said that some people ignore others that don’t fit a certain profile and that some people actively seek out people from whom they can get their kicks?
Sadly, it’s true. We are truly gifted when it comes to tuning out things that don’t interest us, whether consciously or otherwise. When engrossed in a good book, it’s very easy to become unaware of those around us as our imaginations take us in to the very heart of the story and we see, hear and maybe even smell the setting as the scene unfolds. Like many people, I’ve missed my station on the train on numerous occasions, even though the stop is announced repeatedly.
Or when we’re driving and we get to our destination and can’t remember the journey. Why? Well, let’s take what used to be a typical car journey for me a few years ago. I’d leave the house at 7am with a coffee and listen to a little breakfast radio and then around 7:30 the cell phone would start to ring. My team in Europe would be starting their day and if they needed me they would call. A text message or two would arrive, and maybe I’d have to check some ‘urgent’ emails. As one call/mail/text spawned another I’d be doing one thing or another until I reached my destination. I’d arrive at the other end feeling as if I’d driven there on autopilot.
The brain is a marvellous thing. It would have automatically filtered out everything but that which was crucial. I’d arrived through dense peak hour traffic, sometimes at high speed, unscathed and in good order. No near misses, no wrong turns, no other mishaps. I’d had meaningful conversations, made decisions, driven normally and gotten the various things that had demanded my attention done.
What I’d missed out on is the minutiae of the journey. The scenery, many of the unimportant road signs and messages and the detail one might expect to take in if on a leisurely drive. And this is important to note as it demonstrates the amount of ‘noise’ that the brain takes away from us to allow us to focus.
Similarly, we filter in the things that are of interest to us, as per the ‘drama feeder’. In the case of the walking drama, it could be said that those individuals bring exactly those situations upon themselves. People typically don’t just have cars towed off of their drive, their electricity cut off or myriad of other issues for no reason. There will have been a series of events that will have occurred and a number of opportunities will have arisen to take corrective action. Yet they didn’t and therefore allowed the situations to play out as they did. They attracted those events and therefore attracted those drama-feeding people. Which is an interesting concept is it not? We can actually attract those apparent mishaps!
That’s a negative example so let’s look at it a different way. How do some people acquire a guru-like status? Are they genuinely successful and gifted in the field in which they claim or is it merely a perceived image? Or is it an example of very clever branding? Perception becomes the reality and maybe even a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So the questions I’d like to ponder for a moment are these: Can we all do it? Can we all attract goodness to ourselves?
There is a school of thought, of which I’m an advocate, that we can do exactly this. It might not be an overnight transformation and in truth may take a considerable amount of time. But what a pay-off! If we in fact get back what we give, surely this means that we have the ability to reinvent ourselves?
We’ve all known that person who’s ‘glass half empty’ in attitude and is generally negative about everything. You know, the one who can single-handedly drain the energy from a room? I have to confess that I’ve been that person. Not often, and never intentionally of course, but I have been the guy who poo-poo’s every idea, who argues every point and been the only one in large group to argue a minor detail for the hell of it.
That isn’t me anymore and hasn’t been for quite some time. You see, I learned that being that way attracts like-minded individuals and then what do you have? You have a self-defeating group of nay-sayers that just brings everyone, including themselves, down. And who wants to be in the company people like that? Well, nobody except other ‘negs’ and people that feed off them and their created dramas.
That wasn’t for me and I committed to seeing myself and my world through different eyes. It took time and it wasn’t easy, but slowly and surely I shook myself free of negative influences. With a fresh outlook, it won’t be surprising to hear that the void left by the negative was filled by the positive. And with that renewed influence and outlook things started to change. And fast!
Personal development of this kind is hugely powerful and I’m blessed to be experiencing this process first hand and to be able to show others that they have choice.
Regards,
Andrew
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27. September 2010 at 7:03 am
Andrew,
I think we can all attract goodness but some people choose to
go down the path of cleverly branding themselves.
The bottom line is that you the person know know what type of person
you are by the end of the day.
Glad to read that you were able to fill your negatives with positives, always hear that is a hard one to do.
Make it a great one,
Tommy D.
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30. September 2010 at 2:29 am
Hi Tommy,
I’m not a brand guy really, regardless of all the talk about how important personal branding is. I choose to try to attract goodness by giving it first and so far it seems to work just fine.
You’re absolutely right in that we as individuals know who we really are.
Thanks for coming by and commenting Tommy, much appreciated.
Regards,
andrew
27. September 2010 at 7:38 am
I love this post Andrew I read it twice!
I must confess, I’ve have looked at my glass half empty in the past and not really realizing that’s what I was doing, sad to say that’s how much it was a part of me.
Personal development and be tough, because it causes us to look into ourselves and be honest. We have to be honest before the change can come.
I’m glad you mentioned the “guru-like status” seeing yourself/ourselves as a leader or guru and branding yourself/ourselves to that status is a belief. Once again it take personal development and people are attracted to that, so it is a self-fulfilling prophecy the manifestation, if not manifested yet, will be soon.
LOL! Great thought provoking post Andrew!
30. September 2010 at 2:34 am
Hi Debby!
I’m glad you liked the post and that it resonated with you. It’s easy to be unintentionally negative and that in turns tips over in to other things. I always think of toppling dominoes. But then I might just be weird
You’re right than personal development can be really tough. Lots of ‘aha!’ moments and others where there’s the realisation of ‘oh yeah, I do that all the time…’. It’s so worth it though. We end up carrying other peoples ideas and opinions in our heads and personally, a bit of soul-searching has done me good.
Thanks again for stopping by Debby and I look forward to catching up with you soon.
Regards,
Andrew
27. September 2010 at 9:26 am
This is a great post, Andrew. I got a laugh at the beginning thinking back to when I was a band teacher and someone would come up to me and swear that ‘someone stole my flute.’ I knew darn well it wasn’t stolen, and sure enough, it would turn up a few days later. But I never drew the profound conclusions from those experiences that you have. Thanks for sharing.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Leslie
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30. September 2010 at 2:37 am
Hi Leslie,
Kids are great for that aren’t they? It’s lost, stolen, vanished…. Oh, there it is!
Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees but in the main, we find what we’re looking for, whether we’re aware of it or not.
I’m only scratching the surface of this stuff myself, and thought I’d share.
Thanks for taking the time to come by and comment.
Regards,
Andrew
28. September 2010 at 10:35 pm
I like the part about branding and faking it until you make it. There is no need to be the person wondering if you can do something but not starting because you aren’t sure. Be the person that just starts doing it and laughs at all the mistakes all the while portraying the image that everything is going exactly as planned. A great success formula.
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30. September 2010 at 2:42 am
Hi Mark,
There’s a lot of talk about branding right now. I wouldn’t ever want to feel fake, but I don’t see there’s anything wrong in putting it out there from a branding perspective as long as we can be genuine in our intentions. Someone said to me recently that to be successful, you just need to take the steps that successful people make. Learn from the mistakes, have a laugh along the way and the end result of that positive action will be success. Will the success resemble that which was first envisaged? Who knows, but all our routes have detours. I think there’s also a lot to be said for enjoying the ride
Thanks for coming by Mark.
Regards,
Andrew
30. September 2010 at 2:27 pm
Andrew,
Another way of looking at personal branding is making yourself stand out from the crowd for very positive reasons… You want people to know you aren’t like every other get-rick-quick charlatan or the “I made $90,000 last hour and you can too” kind of a person…
There’s nothing wrong with becoming know for who you are… a person with a good heart and a servant’s attitude…
Great post….. with lots of personal insight shared…. thanks for that!
To your continued success,
Robin
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1. October 2010 at 10:00 am
Hi Robin,
Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment. The branding part was more of an observation than an endorsement one way or other. Of course, I want people to see me as I am as that’s who I know how to be. I don’t have much time for the quick buck approach.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks again Robin.
Regards,
Andrew
1. October 2010 at 7:04 pm
Thanks Andrew, great insight and spot on my friend. I want to “Be the shiny object” and not the nay saying one like a lot of people. thanks for the post.
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2. October 2010 at 10:47 am
Hi Andrew, I really like your heart felt blog. You are absolutely right, our attitude on life attracts like minded people and if you WANT change, change yourself first. Personal development is a great way to start and keep on track. Thanks for sharing…rebecca
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